Mom, on the other hand, didn't mind I now had a girlfriend. She was surprised, but I guess she was getting used to the changes lately in my life. All she kept repeating was "Be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt." And she didn't mean physically hurt.
She always prayed I would turn out to be a priest, so when I expressed interest in girls, which to me is normal, she was mildly shocked. I think she knew it may not last. Why was I the only one convinced that it would last?
But end it did. About two months after we met. There were other guys on and off the radio. Maybe that's why Fox's parents weren't too upset. They knew how frequently they met their daughter's new boyfriend of the month. I was just one in a string of guys.
But that was Fox. She was young and didn't want to be tied down. I guess I couldn't blame her. I was just the opposite. I wanted something I never had before- an old fashioned type of relationship, one girl, one guy. Just like in the movies.
To my surprise and sadness I soon found out she had been cheating on me pretty much all along. My heart was broken but I couldn't say I wasn't warned. I think Fox really did care, and I gave her credit for dating a guy in my situation. I viewed our time together so differently. I was now "normal" like other guys, in a relationship that was going to last forever I thought . Fox really cared and was devoted to only me- that's what I hoped.
I was angry, bitter and hurt, especially with myself for letting my heart get crushed. I gave her everything i could afford, which flowers, cards, gifts. I always called on time, always apologizing for things I didn't need to feel sorry for. I forgave her when she confessed that a weekend trip to her childhood hometown in Maryland included a fling with a truck driver she encountered on the way down. I didn't get much respect in return. A relationship is a two-way street, but I was going one-way, down a dead-end street.
I didn't regret spoiling Fox or being a hopeless romantic. It was probably true that if I didn't send the flowers the girl may find an excuse to call it quits. Fox owned the power in our relationship and she used it to her advantage. She knew she could easily find another guy. She also knew that, without her, I would return to lonely nights. Trouble was, I knew it too, and allowed her to play games just not to lose her.
I loved going to the movies now, or out to dinner, just having someone special in my life. I didn't want to go back to the way it was before.
I was stuck between my heart and my head.
To my family and friends everything was fine. Mom started to like Fox when she stopped by. She began to trust her. I didn't want to hear the "I told you so" warnings if I ever admitted that I was heartbroken so I pretended that everything was cool, even when Fox no longer stopped by every day. She was just "busy,' that's all.
I was the one who said enough already. That was tough, even though I was relieved to end the arguments and heartache. It was for the best, as I was a wreck. My schoolwork was suffering, something I vowed would never happen. I had fun. The intimate times together, the laughter, the fun, But things were no longer fun.
Yes, Fox had so much courage to share the stares when we went out, to listen to the friendly advice from family and peers, her willingness to do things for me, such as driving, handling the wheelchair, things she really didn't need to do.
First love can be painful. You can have a broken heart, even in a wheelchair. For weeks after the break-up I was depressed. I soon was back to my old self but I didn't want to go back to the old me. I wanted it all- school, friends, more independence and a girlfriend. It wasn't the end of the world but at times did feel that way. It was time to refocus and move on.
My relationship with Silver Fox was a lesson learned. It sure wasn't a waste of time and I couldn't crawl back into a hole. Someday I would find someone special who really did care. I couldn't give up, no matter how much it hurt in the end.
Meanwhile Fox was moving to Connecticut. She found a new job there which her older brother set up for her. Maybe she needed a fresh start too. We met one last time to say goodbye. We promised to write, maybe even an occasional phone call. Turns out she missed me too, or wanted to say she was sorry for the pain. One last warm hug.
I did send her flowers when she wrote that she had crashed her car soon after arriving in Connecticut and was laid-up in a hospital for a few days. Old habits die hard, as do old feelings.
I would never see her again. She would find someone else in time, start a family and so on. I would try to remember the good times and forget the heartache.
On channel 20, the same channel as where I first found her, I listened to her fade away up the turnpike on her way to a new life. When she ended by saying she "loved" me, my heart felt a twinge. But on to better things in life, with so much more to do, and more to look forward to in the months and years just ahead.
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