Before I found Jill there was Silver Fox. Dating opened up a whole new world to me. I was always so self-conscious about my legs. I was meeting girls at college now and I was afraid to ask them to even study together. To my surprise girls were asking me!
I felt bad that I couldn't drive. It would seem awkward asking a girl to pick me up and fold the wheelchair into the car. I could get in by myself, thanks to my transfer board, but handling the chair and driving were something I couldn't do back then.
My friends t e school encouraged me not to worry about it, especially Lori. "If a girl likes you enough, she won't mind," she advised.
I just had to ask, or accept an invitation. I was limiting myself by not giving myself a chance to have fun.
To most people in the 80s a guy with a disability wasn't supposed to have a girlfriend, let alone date. God forbid he has sex. And if you do, it better be with another person with a disability. Here I was, allowing society dictate what I should and shouldn't do, buying into the stereotype.
So, when I had the time, I started going out, to parties, movies, having fun. I never liked to drink so that wasn't an issue. I was meeting girls face-to-face, many younger,who were making me believe that my chair was no big deal.
My first real girlfriend/relationship was a girl I met through the CB radio. Her handle was Silver Fox. I found her like magic one night as I was cruising by channel 20. She was talking to some other people, and I stopped and listened because she sounded cute. I said hello and we ended up talking the rest of the evening.
She liked my sense of humor and my personality. She lived nearby, on the other side of Valley Forge National Park, with her folks. She was twenty and I was pushing twenty-eight. It didn't matter to either one of us. She sounded sweet and she flirted a lot that night. I guess I did too.
Fox claimed she was an Interior Decorator and teased me about driving over to check out my house, especially the colors in my bedroom.
Mercy!
I stammered and tried to act cool. I wanted to meet this girl yet I was scared it may lead to something more than meeting- or maybe rejection. I had been hurt before by girls from the radio who wanted to meet, then mysteriously disappeared once they saw my wheelchair. One girl came over to meet me, said she had to get something from her car in the driveway, and left without saying bye. That really hurt.
In the midst of the conversation I told Fox about my disability Like other girls at school, she didn't seem to care. When she kept asking to meet I thought why not? If she satisfies her curiosity and drifts away like the others, so be it. So I agreed to meet her.
" Over the weeken?/" I offered.
"How about tonight? she suggested.
This girl wasted no time! I wasn't used to this.
We agreed on the following night, which gave me overnight and the entire next day to stress about it. I wanted to call it off but I didn't have her phone number yet and couldn't find her on the radio. So, with Mom at Bingo, I prepared for my first ever "date."
When Fox came to the door I was stunned. She was gorgeous. Tall and shapely, with long curly brown hair and green eyes. I had died and gone to heaven. All the stress suddenly flew out the door when she opened it.
She came back the next night. And the next. And the next.
I had a girlfriend. Not a crush this time, yet not a feeling of love either. I had never experienced such a feeling before and couldn't explain it. But it was nice and I liked it.
I had fun with Fox and a little confused by all this sudden attention. All my life people stared at me in a bad way, and here was a girl who looked at me lovingly, and that was a welcome difference.
Fox and I got along like old friends, at least at the start. We actually didn't have all that much in common. She was younger and liked to dance, drink and naturally hang around a younger crowd. I was more sedate, shy and thought I knew what I wanted in life. Fox was still exploring, unsure where her future was going.
I like Barry Manilow music and she hated it. That shouldv'e been my first clue.
She was much more experienced- in life and other things- than I was. She was fun and had a good sense of humor. After years of social isolation I needed someone like her in my life, or so I thought. She was like a fantasy to me, something I always wished for but never imagined it would come true.
Going out with a girl was new to me. Fox didn't mind tossing my chair in the back seat of her little car and off we went. It was nice to have someone to care about and someone who cared. Nice to have someone to call first thing in the morning and after school at night. Nice to have someone call me too. Fox would drop by school during breaks and we would have lunch together. We would drive to Valley Forge Park since it was spring and have lunch or talk- usually.
In case you are wondering my brittle bones didn't break during the relationship. We were both very conscious of that.
She was unpredictable, which made her fun. Like Wheelchair Willie before, she was bringing me out of my shell. I wasn't spending my Friday and Saturday nights at home anymore, at least not alone. I was getting out and doing things, meeting people, and felt like a "normal" person.
I really didn't know how to act when it came to going out to dinner or to the movies on a date. I was learning pretty fast in this whirlwind relationship.
I never saw a movie with a girl ( other than Mom) in twenty years since we saw "Old Yeller" as a kid. The first movie Fox and I saw together was the big hit that summer, 'Back To The Future" with Michael J. Fox. It was an appropriate title for my life now. It remains one of my favorite all-time movies for many reasons.
To Fox, it was just another Saturday night date. To me, it was wonderful and special- the sights, the sounds, the smell of popcorn, being with a crowd of people. So this is how the rest of the world lived!
Fox's parents were nice but guarded. Meeting them wasn't the easiest thing in the world. They didn't openly discourage the relationship but they weren't doing cartwheels either. They treated it as though it wouldn't last long, so why get upset? I could sense their patronizing tone. Turns out they were wise people. Maybe they had been down this road before, or they simply knew their daughter very well.
I'm sure they had to be telling her privately. "What are you doing? You are young and pretty. Why are you seeing this guy?"
It's true. I couldn't be the buddy most Dads want, working on cars together with their daughter's boyfriend or watching sports together. Her Dad really didn't warm up to me, especially when he had to help me up a few steps into their expensive condo. Her Mom was nicer but I could see the disapproval in her eyes. Fox told them over dinner about my college plans and the fact I was going to be a Social Worker someday. Wow..big money! That didn't seem to impress them much. What kind of future did their daughter have with a guy like me was a natural concern. I got it.
Fox didn't listen to their advice to dump me- not at first. Her parents still had tons of influence on her life, especially since she still lived at home. She listened more to her friends, as peer pressure was always greater . They viewed me as a novelty, not serious, kind of a joke. Once the novelty wore off I was a goner.
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