Saturday- Valentine's Day- finally arrived. I was nervous about meeting Holly in person for the first time but also had a good feeling. After all the emails and phone chats we had the last few weeks I really thought she was a sweet person. I didn't expect her to instantly fall in love with me. Frankly, I wasn't sure what to expect. Continuing our friendship would be a good start.
I was prepared. Like my usual romantic self I spent the last week gathering Valentine gifts. I didn't want to come on too strong so I kept the gifts fun: a sweet Valentine's card, letting her know how I feel yet not too psycho; candy ( the Gift Shop at the Center was one-stop shopping); a stuffed teddy bear, and a DVD copy of the movie "Marty," starring Ernest Borgnine, the film we planned to watch together after our pizza.
I always loved that movie. It was made in 1955, the year before I was born. Black and white, a very simple story of a lonely butcher from the Bronx looking for love. Borgnine won an Oscar for his performance. I could relate to the story, especially when Marty laments to his mother "Ma, I'm nothing but a fat, ugly man, a fat ugly man!"
It had laughs in it too, along with the drama and lamenting so I hoped it was a good film to watch on a first date.
It was cold outside but it didn't snow as we feared it might. Holly knocked on my front door and Bud and I greeted her. She looked like a doll, all bundled up in her white winter jacket, bunches of blond curls flowing down her back.
She was very friendly and there was no indication of disappointment or surprise. She was just the sweet Holly I was growing to know.
She wore a red blouse for the occasion and jeans. She smelled great too. I was swooning but tried hard not to let it show.
Bud eyed her suspiciously but didn't growl or bark. A good sign. He liked every woman he saw, anyway.
I thanked her for agreeing to meet me at my house. It was not a good idea. Better to meet in a public place the first time. I offered to wheel out to the driveway to prove I was who I was, but she declined the offer. She understood my situation and took a chance to meet me at home. Still, she did the wise thing and gave her youngest sister ( the one not in Mexico) her number, my address, and promised to call her when she arrived and saw that everything was on the up-and-up.
So maybe her first reaction upon seeing me was relief? So far, I was honest, not that everyone would use a disability as an excuse to meet at a private home, but you never know. Better safe than sorry.
The pizza arrived and we ate in the kitchen, while Bud begged for scrapes as always. The talk was light-hearted , pretty much the same as it was on the phone.I invited her into my bedroom to watch the movie, only because I didn't have a DVD player in the living room hooked up to our ancient TV ( it was the kind that had tubes in the back).
Wait a minute! First he wants to meet at his house, then he invites me into his bedroom on the first date? What the hell? she had to be thinking.
I gave Holly my Valentine gift bag full of goodies. She knew I couldn't gift wrap worth a damn ( a major flaw in my character) so the candy, the bear, the DVD and the card were all stuffed in the decorative bag. She was impressed.
We watched the movie, barely touching each other, as we sat on my bed. She seemed to like "Marty' but hardly said a word. I knew the wheels were turning.
Two hours flew by and it was time to go. We both thought meeting for few hours would be a good start.
Before she left my room she said she had something to tell me. Was I the irresistible, hopelessly romantic guy she had always dreamed of and was ready to spend the rest of her life with me?
Not quite.
She politely said that everything was nice, she thanked me for all the Valentine presents ( she sweetly brought me stuff too, including making homemade brownies, which she knew I loved) but..she didn't think it would would out.
It had nothing to do with my disability. It was her. She just wasn't ready for this dating world yet. Yes, she applied to a dating site but...maybe it was too soon after all.
I lookedinto t her blue eyes and said "I understand," which was another lie. I really didn't understand. But I put two and two together. At least she was honest. She didn't run away as others had, or didn't break my heart on the phone or in a letter, as others had.
Bud had grown fond of Holly, especially after she offered him a piece of pizza crust ( the way to Bud's heart was always through his stomach), so he followed her out to the living room. She gave me a hug, said she was sorry, smiled and waved . I followed her outside to the front porch, without a jacket, my heart deflated.
I waved back when she got into her black SUV and pulled away. I watched her taillights flicker in the dusk and was sure I would never see her again. She was so nice too. I felt she was "the one'. Mom would've liked her.
No more heartache. I'm done with love.
I opened the front door to wheel inside and out shoots Bud like a brown bolt of lightning. He obviously was looking for Holly- and for more pizza.
I yelled "Bud! Get back here!" as I watched him scamper up the street ( wrong direction, Bud- Holly went down the street). I was in a panic. How do I get him back in? It was getting dark, there were no neighbors outside, the February chill was growing colder, and I was up shit-creek.
I didn't know what else to do, so I wheeled back inside, leaving the front door open in case Bud decided to do me a favor and walk back in. I sped down the hall to my land line and called Holly on her cell. She wasn' far and I hoped she would pick up.
"Greg? she answered. "What's wrong?"
"Bud got out. He may be headed back to Alabama. Can you please come back and help me?"
"Sure,"she said. "I'm just around the corner. Be there in a second."
I waited on the porch for Holly. Bud was a distant speck up the street, as he checked out every bush and tree he could find. She pulled in the driveway, quickly got out of the car and asked,"Where did he go?" I pointed up the street and she ran after him, yelling, "Here Bud! Pizza!"
The pooch saw Holly, saw she didn't have pizza, ran by her, and raced back into the house.
"Thanks," I sighed. "I don't know what I would've done without you."
"No problem," she laughed. "Get in the house! It's chilly out here!"
I closed the door behind me and watched her pull away again. I would miss talking to her every night at seven o"clock. I turned around and there was Bud, crying for his "pa-poo" ( that's what my Mom always called breakfast, lunch and dinner when she fed Louie. I think it was Slovak).
I was down in the dumps, even more so on that Saturday night. I vowed to never touch my computer again..at least until tomorrow.
Sunday was typically slow. I tried to keep busy. Football season was over, another bummer. Seven o 'clock came and went. I watched TV for a while, shut it off and went to bed.
I stayed awake for hours.
It was nine o'clock and I said to myself, "This may be really stupid," as I picked up the phone and dialed Holly. It was strange calling her at night instead of the other way around.
"Hi," I began when she answered. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to bug you. I'm really not a stalker. I just miss you. I know you said it won't work but there is no reason why we can't be friends..."
I didn't want to come off as being desperate or lonely or needy. But I was. Bud's great escape may have hurt any slim chances that I had to keep Holly in my life. How could I have a girlfriend when I couldn' even manage my own dog? I was a fool to make this call.
It turned out that Holly missed me too. She spent her Sunday thinking and brooding. She missed our seven o"clock nightly date. She didn't want to try and find someone new on the dating site. Having the courage to make the call earned me more brownie points.
Being friends was a good start. She said she was "still thinking". Nothing was set in stone and she needed time.
I wanted to call her during my lunch break at work the next day but hesitated. I would give her the space she needed.
My old land line rang at exactly seven o"clock on Monday night. Friends would be a good way to start. We were together ever since.
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