book- nightmare

(Place on page 7, after para 5, ending in Christmas)

When I didn't fracture while  awake or while asleep, I  had nightmares about fractures. Often I would wake up screaming, dreaming of falling. It was a terrible feeling, knowing I was falling, knowing I would break a bone, knowing it was going to hurt, knowing what would happen after- the chaos, the ambulance ride to the hospital, the cast, the pain. I couldn't stop it. The fear was overwelming. Before I hit the ground a warm flushness would  flow through my entire body. And when I hit, a leg twisted awkwardly, snapping the tibia, fibia or femur, the intense burning and agonizing  pain at the fracture sight, my life would flash before my eyes each time. Oh, no..not again.

And no matter how many times I broke a bone, it always seemed surreal. Soon reality blended into my dreams. Was this  another nightmare or was this real? And when I woke up each time it would be frightening to know if it was all a dream or if I really had another plaster cast wrapped around a broken leg. I could never get away from it.  Broken bones haunted me incessantly during my childhood.

Even later in life, when the fractures were less frequent, the nightmares continued. When I didn't fracture, I had nightmares about fracturing. I could actually feel the pain in my dreams. I'm sure I had PDST- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- something that was never treated. Back when I was a kid  PDST wasn't taken as seriously as it is now. Maybe soldiers returning from the war were treated for stress , but not a child like me who had suffered numerous devastating events and still endured all-too-real nightmares.