OLD-SCHOOL WHEELING- MAILBAG

Another Wheeling Around Phoenixville article,w hich wa spublished on March 3, 2006

Messages from the Mailbag...

Q: Hi Greg,
I'm curious. What has been the most insensitive thing you've ever witnessed as a disabled person? Haw did you handle it? I enjoy your column. Thank you Maria

A: Hi Maria,
Thanks for the nice comments. Good question. Luckily, I have met mostly really nice people in my life. There haven't been many rude or insensitive occurrences. I do remember one time when someone patted me on top of my head like a little dog in an elevator. I was so shocked I didn't know how to react. At first I felt anger and humiliation, but later, after thinking about it, I just laughed.

My experience has been that most people don't mean to be rude or insensitive. Some may just feel uncomfortable around someone "different" and just don't know how to handle the situation. They are afraid to say or do something wrong to offend. Ironically, sometimes they offend anyway, just by not being themselves.

Again, few people are ever intentionally insensitive. For those who are I would just ask them to put yourself in the place of the physically or mentally challenged individual. How would you feel?

Disability is a minority which anyone- no matter what race, creed or color- can join anytime. So it's important to keep sensitivity and empathy in mind, and just try and be yourself.

Q: Dear Greg,
As a disabled person, how do you deal with people who may stare at your disability? Please share your thoughts, as I'm trying to deal with the same issue. Thank you. Renee

A: Dear Renee,
I think everyone must deal with the issue of staring in their own way. Over the years, I've learned to ignore it with experience. But sure, it's frustrating, especially when you may not be used to it. No one likes to be stared at, like an animal at the zoo. You do feel anger and frustration.

But people are curious by nature. I find myself even staring at someone or something "different" until I catch myself and say "You should know better.'

Unless you locked yourself away, you have to expect stares in public and learn to deal with them and move on. If you allow it to get to you, you'll constantly be upset and never want to go out, as the stares won't stop. That is just reality.

It's actually sort of funny, how people want to look, yet don't want to be caught looking, so they may stare quickly, then suddenly look away, especially if you make eye contact. It's almost like a game. Stare, look away, stare, and look away.

Kids usually stare, and I have no problem with that. Kids are naturally curious, and very honest. In fact, I find their honesty refreshing, compared to adults. Kids may even ask sincerely, "What happened to your legs?" I give them a simple, brief answer, and always with a smile, and that usually satisfies them. I usually get a smile in return.

It's the adults who sometimes have the hang-ups, who drag the poor kid away by the hand, scolding "Shh! Don't ask him stuff like that!"

That's wrong to do because it will only make kids more afraid of someone different, and their honesty and curiosity is still unfulfilled. Plus, disabled people aren't going away anytime soon, so how will they deal with the next challenged person they encounter?

No one is perfect, and if we all remember that, maybe we can be a bit more sensitive the next time we stare.